Does This Baby

One of the biggest deals I get from my husband is an hour, or so (sometimes I push it to two hours) every night of me time. This is when I don't have to hold, watch, feed, or basically interact at all with my baby. This time is very important for my mental well being. Usually hubby takes her out for a stroll through the neighborhood, so I get to vegetate on the couch, or in front of the computer. Other times I go out shopping, run errands, or meet up with a friend. Last Thursday, I went out with a friend for dinner. We were paying our bill when a frantic man runs into the restaurant. "IS ANYONE A VETERINARIAN? WE NEED A VETERINARIAN!" The man's friend enters the restaurant wearing nothing but a speedo, and says, while flexing his biceps, "Because these puppies are sick".

I believe that baby's feed off the energy of their mothers. Chill mommy, chill baby. I've been pretty cool through this motherhood thing, I think, and Eloise has benefited, thus I have benefited. I've had a very even tempered baby for the past few months. Then something weird happened. I started watching Sex and the City reruns and crying. I'm extra clingy with my husband and I just want to cuddle all the time. A huge surge of hormones is running through my body like crazy. I'm whiny and a little bitchy... ok a lot bitchy. Anyway, so is my child.

Last week Eloise was over due for a poo. Two whole weeks over due. I Googled everything to do with baby constipation, and followed the best rated suggestions. I upped her prune intake, added ground flax seed to her cereal, and massaged her belly every hour. Nothing. I was visiting my mother on the 14th day, when she still hadn't pooped. My Cambodian mother says to me, "Push a piece of bar soap up her bum. When she goes to push it out, the poo will come out too." "I'm not sticking soap up my daughter's ass. You want her to poo that bad, you do it." I replied. My mother handed Eloise to me, while she went to cut a piece of soap. I whispered in my baby's ear grandma's plans. As soon a my mom walked back into the room holding a cone shaped piece of soap, Eloise started grunting. An entire two weeks worth of poo filled her diaper. Next time she's constipated I'm just going to wave a cone shaped piece of soap at her.

I've decided to stop worrying about the last 10 pounds of my pregnancy weight, and start doing something about it. So I'm focusing my energy on thinking skinny. Yup, no dumb bells or crunches for me. To get back into my super skinny jeans, I'm just going to start thinking that I'm skinny enough. If I learned anything from "The Secret", it's that the power of intention really works. Rent the movie if you don't believe me. After 2 weeks of thinking skinny (eating out and drinking wine), I'm down 5 nasty pounds. I just weighted myself to check that I'm not totally full of shit. I'm not. So yesterday, I took my skinny ass self to BCBG, to check out their sale. My summer strollin' dream dress was 30% off! The only sizes on the rack were extra small but I'm totally an extra small right? Yeah, no. I heard a seam rip as I wiggled the dress over my hips. And it clung grossly, like a needy girlfriend, to my midsection. Too sad, and ...